


untouchable

by kenny404



Category: Big Time Rush (TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Big Time Rush Song, Cheating, Complicated Relationships, Dysphoria, F/M, Love Triangle, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28975086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenny404/pseuds/kenny404
Summary: logan is gay for kendall . drama happens lol !!!!   epic time
Relationships: James Diamond/Lucy Stone, Kendall Knight/Jo Taylor, Kendall Knight/Logan Mitchell
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey!” Logan Mitchell answered his phone, hearing the familiar voice of Kendall Knight on the other side. He smiled as he spoke— that was just something Kendall seemed to bring out in him. He had been frowning just a few seconds prior to the phone call, as Uber driver cancelled the ride on him. Logan was now stuck in the middle of nowhere, the only somewhat safe seeming spot by him being a McDonald’s. He was not in the mood for that at the moment.

“Hey, Logie,” Kendall greeted his friend, a smile audible in the way he was speaking. “Just calling to check up on you, you think you’ll be back in time for rehearsal? Gustavo called earlier seeming pretty stressed.” 

“Oh- well, there seems to be a bit of a predicament regarding that,” Logan responded in a cheery, yet sarcastic manner, though he really felt nothing but fear. “So, I’m kind of in the middle of nowhere. I was walking to find a place for my Uber to arrive, although the stupid driver cancelled.”

“..”

“You can drive.. right?” 

Kendall laughed response. “Yea, I can.”

“Uh- would you mind?”

“Of course not. I’ll be there in a bit. Stay safe.”

“Obviously.”

“Dumbass. Bye.” 

Kendall laughed and ended the call, leaving Logan standing there rolling his eyes. He loved Kendall-

Platonically of course!! Or at least that’s what he told himself.

Anyways, he loved Kendall, but he always hated asking him for favors. Kendall was always there for him, making Logan feel as if he wasn’t holding up to his responsibilities in their friendship. He felt like he should do more, but what could he do? Logan was the smart one, yet he left Kendall to come up with all the ideas. Kendall was quick-witted, smart, funny, hot- 

Logan’s eyes widened at the thought which he quickly shook from his head. Not hot. Well- attractive. But not to him! Conventionally attractive.

Yeah.

Kendall was so well rounded, and Logan felt like he wasn’t there for anything in their friendship. He was coined as the smart one, but with Kendall doing everything, what was the point of him being there? 

Logan exhaled, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

The sun had mostly set at the time, the moon beginning to become much more visible in the darkening sky. To his surprise, he was still in Los Angeles, although it didn’t seem like it. He’d never been to this part of L.A., and it was different. The teen was only here because he had to take a test which the Palm Woods school didn’t offer. It was a test which would allow him to skip the remaining years of high school and go straight into college if he passed with flying colors. This portion of the test focused on writing and reading comprehension skills, as he had taken the mathematics and science portion previously. College was a difficult decision for him, especially considering the course that the band would take from there. But, if he got in, he most likely would do it. Logan could focus on the band and college at the same time. 

Right?

A blaring car horn snapped him out of his worried thoughts. He hadn’t even realized he’d been chewing on his sleeve again. Whoops. That happens a lot when he’s nervous. Logan glanced up, noticing Kendall waving at him from inside the car. He let out a small laugh at the overly enthusiastic blond teen in the car, running over to head into the passengers seat. 

“Thanks for picking me up,” Logan smiled, a tinge of worry in his voice. Kendall didn’t seem to pick up on it just yet, however.

“You owe me one,” Kendall laughed jokingly, though Logan knew he was serious. 

“How about lunch tomorrow?”

“Make it subway and we have a deal.”

“You know I hate going into Subway. The workers there are mean to me.”

“I said you owe me one.”

Logan groaned as Kendall began to drive, chuckling to himself. “Fine. I’ll get you your stupid Subway poison.”

“And a cookie.”

“...And a cookie.”

Kendall seemed satisfied with himself. At the next red light, he stopped, pausing to take a Big Time Rush CD out from a cup holder, god knows why it was in there, and inserting it into the car’s CD player.

“Seriously?” Logan questioned. “You’re that egotistical?”

“That I am, my dear friend,” Kendall laughed, causing Logan to laugh himself although he didn’t want to. Whatever, their music slapped. They sang along for the rest of the car ride, Logan admiring the other’s face as they drove.

“Alright, dogs,” Gustavo’s booming voice alarmed the boys standing in line in the studio. “I’ve got the song. It’s a love song-“

Like most of their songs were.

“About two lovers whose love is untouchable.”

Logan glanced down at the sheet music, reading the name of the song. Untouchable. He never could have guessed.

“I’ll give you ten minutes to prepare, and I need you in the booth as soon as the ten minutes are up. Griffin’s been on my ass about this song.”

The boys all looked at their music, humming their parts. Logan glanced over to Kendall who was diligently studying his paper, then back down at his own paper. Logan felt weird. Really weird. Maybe it was the stress of waiting for the test results, but Kendall looked really cute. 

“This isn’t fair. Kendall gets more lines than me- how is that fair?” James complained, glaring at Kendall and throwing the hand with the paper up in the air to display his jealousy.

“I’m just cooler,” Kendall joked to the expense of James who didn’t think that was very funny.

“I hate you.” James grumbled, looking back at his paper.

“He loves me,” Kendall gestured to Logan, who let out a confused laugh. 

“Alright,” Gustavo called in a normal voice for him, which was yelling for everyone else. “Get in the booth, we gotta have this song done today.” 

The boys raced to the booth, Carlos feeling proud of himself for being first. They put all of that behind them when they slipped on their headphones, Gustavo playing the instrumentals as they began to sing.

"I can see you, in the window, waiting for my call," Logan leaned in towards the mic, looking towards Kendall with a small smile on his face as he sang. "With the moonlight shining on you, you look so beautiful." He didn't know why, he couldn't take his eyes off of his closest friend. He was so confused. He'd never felt like this towards Kendall- why now? He shook the thoughts out of his head. He was definitely just nervous. He needed a hug. Kendall was his best friend and he'd been his best friend for so long. So distracted in his thoughts, he hardly noticed his part of the chorus coming up in the song. He frantically flipped through his music, then singing when it was his time.

"They don't even know a thing we'll show 'em all that we're much better together," Logan harmonized.

"The love we got is so untouchable!" All the boys sang, cheering as Gustavo paused the recording. 

"Alright, that was great, guys," Kelly smiled.

"It. Was.. pretty good," Gustavo's voice boomed. "We can patch it over in editing." The boys began to leave the booth when Gustavo shouted, "Kendall, I'm gonna need you to rerecord the bridge. Shouldn't take long, but the rest of you should go." Kendall groaned, honestly just wanting to go home. Oh well.

Logan waved to him, then walking with the rest of his friends. Carlos pat his back for some reason.

"That was good, guys," Carlos grinned, unaware of the one-sided beef with Kendall and James. Logan really didn't know why James was upset. He still had a good amount of lines. Him and Kendall usually had the most amount of lines, so why did James start to care all of a sudden? 

The boys arrived back at the crib after a while. James and Carlos went to their shared room to watch a movie, and Logan decided to stay in the living room. He slipped his binder out from under his sweater, then throwing on a big sweatshirt so he wouldn't feel quite as dysphoric. He then plopped himself on the couch and began to read. He grabbed a book by Richard Dawkin, curling up on the couch to make himself comfortable. Just a few minutes passed when he heard his phone ring. Assuming it was Kendall, he didn't seem too bothered. That is, until he picked up the phone and read the name. Oh no. He answered the call with wide eyes, anxiously waiting.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Logie," Kendall greeted his friend as he opened the door to the apartment. Upon entering, he heard Logan quietly thank the person on the other side of the phone, then hanging up with an empty expression on his face. Kendall scrunched his eyebrows as he shut the door, still looking at the other.

“You okay?” He asked, walking over to sit beside him. Logan didn’t say anything for a minute. He needed time to process. The boy exhaled, not bothering to look up at Kendall and instead look down at the floor. Kendall took a seat on the couch to the left of him, wrapping his arm around him to ease his anxiety, whatever the cause of it may be.

“I- um,” Logan stammered, clearing his throat. He didn’t want Kendall to be disappointed in him, but he knew he’d be upset if he didn’t tell him what was bothering him. He couldn’t win. This sucked. He took a deep breath, shakily exhaling. “I failed my test.”

“Oh- Logan,” Kendall frowned at the boy’s sadness. To be honest, Kendall couldn’t care less if he failed or passed. He knew Logan was brilliant, but he was in high school! He could just wait another year and take the test again. It certainly didn’t help him that he could hardly study with focusing on the band. “Listen, bud, it’s okay! Calm down, alright? It doesn’t mean anything. You can retake the test next year, or you can just wait til after senior year.”

Logan sniffled, still looking down as he didn’t want Kendall to see his teary eyes. He got closer to him, wiping his eyes and getting comfortable in the taller boy’s arms. “I know- I just,” He paused, clearing his throat. “I’m disappointed- in myself. I thought I would be capable of passing a basic entrance level exam, but of course I choke on the english portion. I’m so stupid.”

“No you aren’t, and frankly it’s a little bit insulting that you’d say that,” Kendall joked, trying to make him feel better. “You’re so much smarter than- than all of us. You’re literally the smartest person I know, and a stupid test can’t get rid of that. So what you choked? I know you’re smart. Everyone that meets you knows you’re smart, it’s not like you ever stop talking about science and crap.”

Logan let out a small chuckle at that remark, sniffling and wiping his nose with his sleeve. “That’s true,” He smiled gently, still heartbroken by the results. Kendall was making him feel better at the moment, which was pretty epic.

“Listen, I’m proud of you no matter what, alright?” Kendall spoke. “You’re fucking amazing. I don’t care about some stupid test, that doesn’t determine your worth.”

Logan nearly started to cry again at these words. ‘I’m proud of you.’ He hadn’t heard that phrase in so long. Last time he heard it, he was seven and not as much of a disappointment to his parents as he was now. Super epic and cool.

“Thank you, Kendall,” Logan said in a quiet, raspy voice. He leaned into Kendall’s warm embrace, snuggling up against him and shutting his eyes. Kendall held on tighter to the smaller boy, leaning his head atop his. Kendall just wanted him to feel comfortable and feel safe, and Logan certainly did. Logan yawned, sniffling as he began to doze off to sleep. He didn’t intend to fall asleep, it kind of just happened. Kendall was a good pillow.

Logan awoke a few hours later, groaning exhaustedly. He rubbed his eyes, picking away dried tears and crust from around them. He yawned, turning to his left to see a still asleep Kendall. He nearly jumped. Kendall hadn’t left him? Logan couldn’t believe he’d stayed there all night. He knew Kendall was caring, but not that caring. Maybe he just fell asleep before he could get up. That’s probably it. It was getting late, but he didn’t really want to wake Kendall. He was sleeping so peacefully, and he looked really cute. But, it was sadly already 10:30. Kendall usually liked to wake up at around nine or ten. He tapped the boy’s shoulder, and when he got no response he kind of just shook him. That certainly woke him up.

“Oh-“ Kendall’s voice was raspy and broken since he’d just woken up. “Morning.” He smiled, removing his arm from around Logan’s back and standing up to stretch himself out. Logan was honestly a bit sad when he removed his arm.

No he wasn’t. He was not sad at all. He is totally heterosexual.

Kendall turned to see Carlos and James in the kitchen, fighting over god knows what.

“I told you not to bring your helmet into the kitchen while we’re cooking! Now look at it,” James shouted.

“It’s your fault!! You’re the one who put it in the oven,” Carlos retaliated.

“Well YOU’RE the one who had it near the oven, so it isn’t my fault that it slipped in!”

“You literally grabbed it and put it in!”

Kendall rolled his eyes, looking back to Logan. “I’m assuming we’re going to be ordering food for breakfast,” He retorted, to which Logan let out a laugh. 

“Seems so,” The shorter boy replied, watching whatever the hell was happening in the kitchen. In the midst of the fight, Ms. Knight and Katie walked through the door, carrying heavy bags of groceries. Katie rolled her eyes at the two fighting, but Ms. Knight had enough.

“Alright, that’s it!” She shouted, dropping the bags and running to the kitchen to break the two of them up. Kendall couldn’t help but laugh. 

“So, you got any plans for today?” Kendall asked the other.

“Uh- not really. Was thinking of-“

“Wanna go to dinner with me?”

‘Okay, thanks for letting me talk’, Logan thought, though he truly wasn’t bothered. He thought it was sweet.

“Oh- uh, sure,” He smiled. “Where are we going?”

“Well, you still owe me that food from yesterday..”

“Subway?? Are you s-“

“I’m joking, Logie,” Kendall laughed. “We can split it. You wanna go to that really fancy restaurant down the block?”

“I mean- sure, what’s the occasion?”

“No occasion. Just cus you’re cool. And I also really don’t wanna bring Carlos and James to a fancy restaurant.”

Logan laughed in agreement, his face burning the slightest bit for an unknown reason.

“Alright, I guess I’ll sacrifice for you,” He said jokingly, smiling. “What time should we leave?”

“How about five?” 

“It’s a date,” Logan replied, his eyes widening when he said that. “I mean- not a date- a get together. A meet up. A friend- uhh- friend thing.”

“Whatever you say,” Kendall chuckled, winking at Logan as he left to go to his room. What. Logan was left a blushing mess in the living room, fidgeting with the string of his hoodie. How did Kendall make him feel that way?? God he was so confused. As far as he knew, he was straight. Well, not fully. Basically straight. He thought some guys were cute, but he never had any romantic or sexual attraction towards guys.

Did he?

He tried to remove the thought from his mind, but it still lingered. Why did he feel like this? He and Kendall had been friends for years.

What had changed??

Trying not to think about it, he picked up the book he’d left last night and opened it, beginning to read to distract himself and pass the time.


	3. Chapter 3

Logan stared at himself in the mirror, adjusting his tie. Since they were going to a fancy place, he had to dress like middle aged business man. Which, to be fair, wasn’t a bad thing. He had on a pair of black dress pants and a white dress shirt which he’d tucked into the pants. He also wore a black sweater vest since he could not be bothered to wear a suit jacket. Those are weird. He slipped on a pair of black dress shoes, before realizing he was way to nervous for this. He’d eaten out with Kendall before, but this time felt different. He had no clue why this was happening and why his emotions had been all over the place lately. Maybe it was the testosterone pills. Puberty or whatever. He had no idea. Whatever it may be, he was going to try his best to make sure he didn’t make his ‘date’ with Kendall weird whatsoever. It was just a normal dinner! 

He rubbed his eyes, pacing around the room as he waited for the clock to hit five. Well, not really waiting. He got impatient and walked downstairs, finding Kendall’s mom fixing Kendall’s tie. Holy crap. 

Logan’s eyes widened as he saw his best friend in the suit. Kendall spun around to see Logan, a smile on his face. He was in a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath and a red tie. 

“Hey!” Kendall grinned, greeting the other. “You look nice. Ready to go?”

“Uh- yep,” Logan replied, awkwardly smiling. “If I’m correct, we’ll be exactly on time for our reservations if we leave right now and drive at fourty-five miles per hour. That is, with the correct traffic conditions, of course.”

“..Okay, I’ll just drive normally,” Kendall replied, to which Logan let out a small laugh. 

“Sounds good.”

The two arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later, a waiter seating them rather quickly as they’d been recognized due to their band. Fame had many perks. Luckily, there were only a few other people in the restaurant who had recognized them, as a lot of the diners were old. Haha.

“It’s really nice in here,” Logan noted as they sat down.

“It is,” Kendall agreed, smiling as he pushed his own chair in as he sat. “It honestly feels nice to get a break from James and Carlos. I love them, but they can be a handful.

Logan chuckled. “True. I mean, what are they gonna do once we start to break off and live on our own? I doubt Carlos is going to be able to even pay taxes.”

Kendall laughing, shaking his head. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’m gonna do myself when this is all over. I’m gonna miss you guys.”

“We’re still gonna hang out, right? That’s never gonna change.”

“You’re right. I know, it’s just gonna be weird.”

“It might be nice to get a break from performing, though. Don’t know how much longer my amazing moves are gonna last.”

They both knew that was a joke. Logan sucked at dancing. They ordered food and talked until the food arrived. 

“This is really good,” Kendall tried not to make a mess as he ate because fancy restaurant and what not. Logan simply nodded in agreement, not wanting to talk with his mouth full. In all honesty, the night had been going a hell of a lot better than he’d expected it to go. It was much more chill than he’d anticipated, and he’d mostly calmed down from his sadness the night before and his weird hormones. Logan was having a pretty good time.

“So-“ Logan paused, swallowing his food before he continued to eat. “What did Gustavo make you do last night? You were gone for a while.”

Kendall’s eyes widened and he swallowed his food, putting his fork down as if he was preparing to tell a grand tale. “Oh my god,” He started. “That man is SO weird.”

Logan gazed at him, his elbow on the table and his head resting in his hand as he listened to the boy speak. It was honestly quite adorable to see Kendall go off on his little tangent. He didn’t seem too upset about it, mainly just confused about the whole situation.

“Oh- and then he was like, ‘What are your thoughts on this song?’ and just gave me a WHOLE new song? And he made me sing the whole thing too! This man is nuts.” Kendall laughed as he spoke. “At one point, he was asking me if I’d ever considered a solo career. Which, of course I haven’t, I have my friends and I’m not gonna break up the band to become the next Timberlake or whatever. I don’t really know if that’s what Timberlake did.” 

“I mean, after the band, once we stop making new music and stop performing, you really wouldn’t consider having your own music career?” Logan finally chipped in, taking his elbow off the table. “What are you gonna do?”

“Oh, well- I don’t know, actually. I was mainly just thinking college, and I’d do some more hockey... but I really didn’t have any plans on where my life is going. I kind of just thought I’d figure it out along the way.”

Logan nodded, wondering how that must feel to not know what you’re going to do when you’re older. That seemed scary to him. He wanted to have his whole life planned out ahead of him, and for now he at least had college and the years after. But what happens if he gets bored of doing the same thing all the time? He hadn’t ever thought about that. Being a general doctor isn’t the most fun thing ever.

“Ah- sorry, I got caught up,” Kendall spoke, seemingly embarrassed that he’d been talking about himself so much. “Anything new with you?”

“Oh- uh, nothing much besides failing an important test, but it’s fine!” 

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

“..Not really.”

“That’s fine,” Kendall smiled a warm, reassuring smile which nearly made Logan melt. 

Was he really falling in love?

He blushed, realizing where his thoughts were going again. Damnit. 

“Okay- uh-“ Logan frantically spoke. “Do you want dessert?? I’m full, haha.”

“Uhh, not really. You okay?”

“Yeah! Just remembered something.”

“Um- alright,” Kendall replied, not bothering to question him anymore. Logan was strange, he knew that, and had some odd tendencies. So he’d just leave him to it. “I’ll just pay for all of it now so you can pay me for your meal when we get paid.”

“Oh- are you sure? I can pay now-“

“Nah, it’s fine!” Kendall called for the bill, quickly putting the money in with a tip and signing the receipt.

They left the restaurant soon after, and arrived home to the Palm Woods after a short drive. Instead of staying to talk with his friends in the main room, Logan sped to his room, falling into his bed and letting out a groan. He was so confused. 

He’d NEVER ever felt attracted towards Kendall in his life except for recently. He had no clue why it was happening. The logical explanation was that he had felt distanced from his friends, emotionally and physically. This led to him thinking that he had a crush on his closest friend, when it was really just a matter of him craving physical interaction and needing to let his emotions out.

The other explanation was that he had a crush on Kendall. 

He liked the first option more.

The teen sighed, sitting up tiredly. He slipped off his uncomfortable shirt and his binder, putting on a much more loose hoodie. He slid off his clunky dress shoes and pants so that he was just in socks and boxers. He then rested face-up on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

A while later, a knock was heard on his door and someone began to enter. Uh. Logan kinda forgot that him and Kendall shared a room. Obviously they didn’t share a bed, that’s gay. But, their apartment wasn’t massive, which meant there were only 3 rooms for 6 people. Katie and Mrs. Knight slept in one room, James and Carlos shared another, which left Kendall and Logan to share a room as well. Logan wasn’t exactly opposed to this system.

“Hey,” Kendall waved to his friend. “Were you sleeping?”

“Nope,” Logan frantically sat up so that it would be more comfortable to talk. “I was kinda just laying here thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“Uh- quantum theory. Stuff.”

“What the hell is quantum theory?”

“It’s complicated.”

Kendall laughed, shutting the door behind him and undressing. Not all the way obviously. Jeez. He changed his shirt first, then slipping out of his pants so that he could sleep more comfortably. Logan was conflicted on whether to look or not. He turned the other way, trying not to curse at himself for even needing to ask himself that question. Kendall then slid into bed, grabbing a magazine from the night table beside the bed and reading before going to bed.

“You’re going to sleep already?” Logan asked, thinking it was early.

“Dude, it’s one in the morning,” Kendall replied, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“Oh.”

After reading a bit of the magazine, Kendall placed it down, yawning. He shut the lamp on the nightstand, leaving the both of them submerged in utter darkness. Logan got under his covers, turning on his side but not able to fall asleep.

“Ready for tomorrow?” Kendall asked, pulling the blanket up to his waist as he turned in bed, trying to make himself comfortable.

“What’s tomorrow?”

“Choreo, remember?”

“Shit. Forgot about that. What song are we doing again?”

“We’re doing Boyfriend- Dude, are you okay?”

“What?”

“You’ve seemed distracted a lot. Are you sure you don’t need to talk about anything?”

If only Kendall knew what Logan had been distracted about.

“..No, dude, I’m fine.”

“You sure? You know you can talk to me.”

“You are so cheesy.”

“I know,” Kendall smiled. “Alright, get some sleep. Night.

“Goodnight.”

Logan exhaled, shutting his eyes but not sleeping. Questions and thoughts filled his mind. This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry idk kendall’s character well enough to write him 😭


	4. Chapter 4

“All I really want is to be your!” The music ended, leaving the boys sweaty and out of breath once their dance routine ended. This was the eighth time they had practiced this same dance today, and needless to say they were sick of it. 

“Gustavo, can we please stop for today?” Kendall questioned, panting as he spoke. “We’ve done this eight times!”

Gustavo stared them down intimidatingly before he began to speak. “Fine. It looks... acceptable. We’ll practice more tomorrow. Go home.”

The boys cheered, and would have run out of the studio if it wasn’t for their aching limbs and tired lungs. Instead, they walked out side by side.

“Hey,” Kendall walked up to Logan, patting him on the back and causing him to flinch the slightest bit. “You did good.”

“Really?” Logan asked, slouched uncomfortably. He’d needed to remove his binder when he danced due to possible injury. The only exception was during concerts, which still probably wasn’t healthy, though he used a different binder which was safer as it was a size bigger than his normal one. “I thought I was terrible.”

“No, honestly. You’ve been getting better.”

Logan smiled slightly, his face red, though he was unsure if it was him blushing or just him being sweaty. “Thanks. You did pretty good, too.” He wiped the sweat from his forehead, making eye contact with Kendall. 

Oh god.

Logan broke the eye contact first, knowing Kendall wouldn’t. God, did Kendall know? He seemed so cocky. Like he knew he was melting Logan’s heart and was intentionally making it worse. Maybe Logan was just overthinking it, but Kendall brushing his hand up against Logan’s as he walked forward made him question it. Oh no. 

The group arrived home a while later, all showering before doing anything because they were sticky and gross. The day was pretty boring up until a few hours later, when they heard a voice call from the living room.

“Who wants to play Mario Kart!!”

Hearing Carlos’ voice, the rest of the boys ran from their rooms and raced to the couch to try and be the first to grab the good Wii remote, the black one. Of course, Kendall got it. 

“That’s not fair!” James complained, reluctantly grabbing another remote. “You always get the black remote. You don’t even deserve it, I’m prettier than you.”

“Well, at least I don’t suck as hard as you.” Kendall smirked.

“That’s it-“ James lunged for Kendall, Logan in between them trying to separate the two. 

“Guys!!” Carlos yelled, pouting. “I wanna play.” His puppy dog eyes were enough to convince the guys to stop fighting. Who could say no to that face? They settled down, taking their seats. Logan at the very left of the couch, next to him being Kendall, then James, then Carlos. The game began and they all leaned forward, intensely paying attention.

None of them spoke for a while, until James royally screwed over Kendall.

“Not cool!” Kendall whined as James laughed about the green shell he’d hit him with, knocking him out of first place.

“That’s what you get for always taking the good remote.”

Kendall groaned, noticing Logan was in a place ahead of him.

Logan stared at the screen, dodging banana peels which had been set on the road ahead of him. So rude. He focused intensely, until he felt something. Looking down, he noticed that Kendall’s hand had been on his thigh. He stared down at it, his face turning red. What the hell.

Okay, so Kendall definitely knew. 

His face burning, he glanced back up, noticing he had skid off the road and ended up in last place. He clicked his tongue, trying to focus with the goddamn hand on his thigh. Was Kendall really messing with his emotions just to win at Mario Kart Wii??

Well, it was working.

Kendall’s hand moved after a while so he could have a better grip of his remote, but the effect lasted much longer for Logan. He couldn’t even concentrate on the game and ended up in last place, but he didn’t care. What the hell was Kendall doing that for? Why?? Logan’s face was still red from confusion and embarrassment. Embarrassment because— why did that make him feel like.. that?? It was just his best friend with his hand on his thigh. That’s it. 

That isn’t it.

Logan was falling. Hard.

And, even worse, Kendall was able to figure it out before he did.

They played for a little while longer, though Logan wasn’t able to focus for any of it. He knew he needed to talk to Kendall. How would he even bring that up, though? ‘Hey Kendall, why was your hand on my thigh?’ What would he even say??

Luckily, he didn’t have to think about what he was going to say, as Kendall was already one step ahead of him. 

“Hey, Logie,” Kendall stood from his spot on the couch once they stopped playing, Logan doing the same just a second after. “Can we talk? In private?”

“Oh-“ Logan’s eyes widened the slightest bit at the question. This is it. “Uh, sure.” Maybe he wasn’t going to ask if he was gay. Maybe they’d talk about... sports or something. Yeah, his hopes weren’t very high. 

“Alright, come,” Kendall led the other to their room, and Kendall shut the door. Logan swallowed a lump in his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“So- what’s up?”

“I just wanted to ask about you. You haven’t really opened up to me in a while, I wanted to know how you’re doing. I know you’ve been struggling with your parents and the test and stuff.”

“Oh-“ Logan looked around confused. What? “I’m- I’m good, really. I mean, it’s been kinda hard, but..” He didn’t know what to say. This was a weird situation. “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to my parents in a while. When I told them I was trans, they didn’t even want to talk to me. I’ve spoken to them a little bit since, but we haven’t had an actual conversation. It’s just my mom yelling at me and asking me if I’ve changed.”

Kendall nodded. “That sucks. I- I’m sorry, I couldn’t even imagine that.”

“It’s fine, I guess. I was never really close to them. Nothing I ever did was enough. I worked so hard to, y’know, impress them, and they were so happy when they found out I wanted to be a doctor. They hated me when I told them about us moving out here to start a band. I mean, it sucks, but I have you guys, right? I’m doing great!”

“Logan, it’s okay if you’re not okay,” Kendall stared into the smaller boy’s eyes, his eyes welcoming and warm. “You shouldn’t have to deal with that, but if they don’t wanna talk to you, you don’t have to talk to them. We’re your family now, right? And we all accept you.”

Logan nodded, tears forming in his eyes. “That’s all that matters to me.” He hadn’t realized how much pain he was in until he let it all out. He stared up at Kendall, not even noticing the tears that had begun to spill from his eyes until Kendall placed his hand on his face, wiping the tears off. 

They were so close..

“Kendall...?” Logan’s voice was quiet as he stared into the eyes of the other. Kendall’s hand stayed cupping Logan’s cheek, and the silence between them was painful until-

Logan’s eyes widened as he felt Kendall’s lips against his own, then shutting as he leaned into the kiss. Kendall’s hand raised to run through Logan’s hair, and Logan hesitantly raised his hands to Kendall’s waist. What the hell. His mind couldn’t even comprehend what was happening. 

What????

It was as if he was dreaming until the kiss ended and he opened his eyes. He stared at Kendall, backing away the slightest bit.

“Uh-“ Logan stammered. “Cool.”

A cocky smile formed on Kendall’s face, and he winked, spinning around and opening the door.

“I’ll see you later,” Kendall said, exiting the room and leaving Logan a teary, blushing mess.

“What the fuck,” He whispered, staring at the door Kendall had left him behind.


	5. Chapter 5

A day had passed since Kendall's little... interaction with Logan, and the two hadn't spoken since. It appeared as if Kendall was waiting for Logan to make the first move, which Logan didn't think was very likely. He knew Kendall was messing with him- he liked to see him stress out and squirm under the pressure of having to make the first move. Kendall knew Logan wasn't good at... confrontation. It had taken the boy years to build up the courage to express his interest in hockey to his parents, who had shut him down. He realized that his parents were probably why he didn't tell people things. That is just splendid.

Anyways, Logan was mad. He didn't really know why. He didn't know a lot of things. He was smart, but he was a dumbass when it came to love. Thinking he could just boil everything down to numbers and science, he used to think love was simple. Someone makes your heart beat fast and causes you to release dopamine, that means you like them. But, with Kendall, it was different. He defied the laws of love science. Sometimes, Logan hated him. They'd argue, but they'd make up just as quickly. They were best friends, it was easy. But, now that he found himself falling for him, everything was confusing. His so-called foolproof equation for love didn't seem so foolproof anymore. He didn't know which feelings were real and which were fake, which were romantic love and which were just, 'you're my bestie and I love you!'.

If there was one thing that Logan knew for sure, however, it was that Kendall is a great kisser.

He still didn't comprehend the kiss. If Kendall liked him, how did he hide it so well? Why did he kiss him out of the blue instead of doing normal relationship stuff, like confessing his attraction towards Logan? Well, thinking about it, asking Logan out on a date to a fancy restaurant is pretty hard proof of Kendall's attraction. It just didn't seem like it. Kendall never even once gave any sort of hint that he was even into guys, let alone into Logan. Logan walked towards his calendar hung on the wall. Nope, it wasn’t April first. It still could be a prank, though.

"God, Kendall," He groaned quietly, flopping down on his bed and putting a pillow on his head, wishing something could just make sense. Emotions are too complicated. Facts aren't. The teen sat face-down on his bed for a few minutes until he heard a knock on the door.

"What do you want," Logan questioned in a monotone voice, hearing the door squeak open and gentle footsteps approach him.

"Hi," Carlos greeted, his voice low and guilty.

Logan sat up, pushing his hair back and looking to Carlos who had his helmet in his hands instead of in his head. "What's up?"

"Can I stay here? James got mad at me." Carlos stated. Logan laughed slightly, rolling his eyes as he wondered what they could possibly be fighting about again.

"Sure, bud. Wanna talk about it?"

Carlos' frown turned into a slight smile, and he hopped onto the other bed in the room which belonged to Kendall. "Yeah." 

"Alright, take it away."

"So, me and James were just watching TV, right? And, all of a sudden, there was an ad for some weird gross cologne that James has, and he said he wanted to get it, and I told him it smells bad. Because it does! It makes my head hurt. And he was all like, no it'll help me get ladies, and I told him it wouldn't, and then he took my helmet, and I tried to get it back, and we started to fight, and I accidentally hit him in the face and he got mad because that's his 'money maker' and then he threw my helmet and now its all scratched and I'm sad."

Wow. Okay. That was a lot to take in.

“And you haven’t spoken to him since?” Logan asked, to which Carlos shook his head.

“He doesn’t wanna talk to me.”

“You should apologize.”

“He should apologize first!! He scratched my helmet.”

“Well, you did hurt him first. Give him some time to cool down and then try to settle things.”

“I don’t wanna talk to him.”

“You don’t have to talk to him now. But, you’re going to have to do it soon.”

“Fine. I guess.”

“You know James would never want to hurt you, and he knows you wouldn’t want to hurt him either. Arguments happen.”

“You’re right..” Carlos sighed. “Uh, Logan?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you ok? You looked.. weird when I came in.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m alright. Could be better, but it’s alright.”

“You sure?”

“..Well,” Logan started. Carlos wasn't the best to talk to but it’s okay. He was just confused and needed to say something. “Have you ever been in love? Like actually?”

“Yeah! It was a long time ago, but I think it still counts.”

“How long ago?”

“Mm.. maybe three years.”

“That girl in eighth grade?? With the brown hair and blue glasses?”

“Yeah! I mean, we’d been dating for a while, but she had to end it ‘cus of her parents.”

“How... how did that feel? To be in love?”

“It was nice. It felt good to have someone to talk to about stuff when you guys weren’t around. And she was so cool. And a great kisser. Plus she liked hockey! I’m over her now, but it was really good while it lasted.”

“That sounds nice.”

There was a silence for a few seconds before Logan began to speak again.

“How did you start dating?”

“Well, I saw her getting a corn dog at a carnival this one time, and I knew she was right for me. So, I just walked up to her, and asked if she wanted to go out, and she said yes! It was pretty easy honestly.”

Logan nodded, exhaling shakily. He wished it could be that easy for him. “Thanks Carlos.”

“No problem, dude. Why are you asking me?”

“No reason.”

Carlos gasped. “You’re in love, aren’t you?”

“What?? No.”

“Yes you are!!”

“I’m not.”

“Who is it?”

“Carlos, it’s no one. Can you go apologize to James now?”

“Is it someone I know?”

“Shut up.”

“Is it one of the Jennifers?”

“No.”

“Oooh, is it Camille?”

Logan groaned, flopping back down on his bed.

“Jo?”

“No.”

“Lucy?”

“No.”

“Is it a guy?”

Logan didn’t reply.

“Oh my god. It’s totally a guy-“

“Carlos will you keep it down??” Logan whisper yelled, sitting back up. “Please.”

“Fine. Is it guitar dude?”

“Please stop asking me about this.”

“Just a few more!! Is it....” Carlos took a few seconds to think, his eyes widening as he realized. “Oh my god.”

“No.”

“It’s Kendall.”

“No.”

“It’s gotta be Kendall.”

“Why would it be Kendall?” Logan asked, his voice cracking as he lied. Carlos didn’t believe him for a second.

“Dude, it’s okay! Totally understandable.” Carlos reassured him.

“Can we please just stop talking about it?” Logan’s voice became low, and he grabbed his pillow, hugging it.

“Literally five minutes ago you were asking for love advice and now you just wanna drop it?”

“Yeah, because I didn’t want to tell you who I was in love with, dipshit. Now it’s just weird.”

“It isn’t weird at all. Me and James used to make out. We didn’t like each other but we were just trying it out.”

“Wha- why?? How is that relevant at all?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Alright, great, now please go apologize to your make out buddy before I have a meltdown.”

“Fine. But you better tell me when he kisses you.”

“About that,” Logan mumbled, hoping he didn’t hear. Carlos was already heading out the door at this point, but turned at Logan’s voice.

“YOU KISSED?”

“SHUT UP??”

“Sorry,” Carlos’ voice became quieter. “That’s exciting. Is he a good k-“

“Get out.”

“Fine. Jeez.”

Finally, Carlos exited the room, shutting the door behind him so that Logan could have some peace and quiet. God. He exhaled shakily, tugging at his hair. He didn’t know what to do. God, he was scared. Carlos was definitely not going to be able to keep a secret. Why did it have to be Carlos who found out, out of all people? He didn’t even know if Kendall was serious about their relationship. 

Everything sucked.

A day passed, and the two of them still hadn’t actually spoken. Kendall would occasionally shoot him glances, but wouldn’t speak to him. Logan hated this, but he knew he had to make the first move. Kendall is such a bitch.

Logan sat up from his bed, noticing Kendall was already awake and out of bed. Where was he? Simplest solution was to check anywhere but his room. But he didn’t really want to. But he had to.

Love is complicated.

He yawned, stepping out of bed and throwing on a pair of socks before heading downstairs. His eyes averted from the kitchen when he saw Kendall standing there cooking with his mom. Aw that’s cute. But also terrifying. He took a deep breath, walking over to them and leaning his hands on the kitchen counter.

“Heyyy, Kendall,” Logan greeted him awkwardly with finger guns, to which Kendall smiled, delighted he was finally speaking to him.

“Hey, buddy,” Kendall smirked. “Haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“Yeah, about that-“ Logan cleared his throat, thinking of the least awkward way he could do this. “Can we... uh- talk somewhere more private?”

“Sure, our room?”

“That should be-“

“You’re just gonna leave me here?” Mrs. Knight pouted. 

“Sorry mom!” Kendall kissed her forehead. “I’ll cook with you tomorrow.” He smiled, grabbing Logan’s hand and dragging him upstairs to their bedroom.

“Oh- ok-“ Logan didn’t really have a choice in being dragged. It just happened.

They arrived at the room a few minutes later, Kendall shutting the door.

“So, what’s up?” Kendall asked nonchalantly.

“I- you know what’s up! The- the kiss? Are we gonna talk about that?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Uh-“

“What do you want, Logan?” Kendall’s eyes pierced into those of Logan’s, knowing exactly what he was doing to him. Making his stomach twist in turn, making him want nothing other than Kendall’s lips on his.

“Ugh- god. Listen, I just wanna talk. I don’t know what any of this means. Are we- y’know?”

“Are we what?”

“Like- you know what I mean.”

“I don’t. Please elaborate.”

“God, you’re so- are we like... a thing?”

“Do you want us to be?”

“I- I don’t know, Kendall! I mean, you’re my best friend, but,”

“But?”

Logan sighed in frustration. Why was Kendall so difficult? “It’s complicated, okay? I don’t know what I want.”

“Will this help?” With a swift motion, Kendall grabbed Logan’s hand, pinning him to the wall and staring deeply into his eyes. Logan’s breath began to speed up, along with his heart rate.

“How- how would this help?” Logan stammered, his cheeks red. 

“Because,” Kendall smiled, leaning towards Logan. 

Oh my god.

Kendall broke away before their lips even touched, leaving Logan sadder than he would have liked to admit, even to himself. Kendall’s grip on Logan’s hand loosened until he let go, backing away from Logan.

“Take some time. Call me back when you’re ready,” Kendall smiled, opening the door and leaving.

“No-“ Logan tried to call out before he could leave. “God, why does he keep doing that?”

Kendall was strange. Yet, Logan couldn’t find himself wanting anything but him.


End file.
